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  • DerekGMZ

Failure Today, Success Tomorrow

I’m “Poker Broke”. It doesn’t mean I’m living on the streets. It doesn’t mean I can’t afford food. My living funds (savings) and my poker funds (bankroll) are separate entities. Rebounding from being poker broke requires patience and pride-swallowing. Money has to be raised by other means until my savings account is properly replenished and my bankroll has reached a respectable upsurge.

​“But you’re a winning player, how is this possible?” The simple answer is math. I was never properly bankrolled to play primarily live tournaments. Both my dealing and cash game hours decreased significantly to almost non-existent. This was a high risk, high reward avenue and I chose to accept the variance. Even while practicing my cautious bankroll-nit approach, going full tournament volume under-rolled is considered shot-taking. Everyone knows that you never go full tournament volume under-rolled.

The chain of events that occurred in the last six months led me to this particular outcome. Although, I’m currently in a valley of my worst-case-scenario poker timeline, this outcome was not out of the realm of possibility; I’ve prepared for it. It will be a slow and steady grind with a combination of dealing, selling action, grinding small stakes and taking calculated shots at value tournaments. The silly thing about that last sentence is nothing in my life changes, that’s business as usual. The slight difference will be dealing more often, dropping down slightly in stakes and selling at a lower average buy-in. That’s where the pride swallowing comes into play. Posting this in my blog stings. Setbacks are never fun and no one enjoys talking about a downswing. Public errors of any kind can be humiliating, they can reach deep into our childhood terrors.

The positive is I will come out of this mentally stronger. The humiliation from my temporary speed bump is a delusion. Embracing it is now a strength in my arsenal of life-weapons. I’m not where I want to be right now, but I have the drive, determination and support system to rebound strong. I will own this failure and not let it own me. My goals and aspirations are wrapped tightly within the poker world and I will stay the course and put in the work. Everyday I strive to better myself on and off the felt. In the moment I’m no longer working towards my dreams, within these failures, I’m living them. This journey has no shortcuts.

​Failures are necessary speed bumps and should be worn proudly, if and only if the plan is to learn from it, grind like hell and never give up.

Errors and humiliation will be forgotten, but great achievements may not.” – Derek Muller

​Thanks for reading and run well.

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