"It's better to have questions that cannot be answered than answers that cannot be questioned."
My past has come to pass, however with every present moment, with every achievement of evolution and progress, my past is being reimagined. The narrative has shifted, like a cube to a tesseract, to be understood in a new light. I've stayed the course, and what once was has been made new. My life no longer makes sense unless I am who They say I am. Every little detail in my past, every random conversation, every random experience, every random social media post, now has meaning. Verily and true, I say to you, it wasn't so random after all. I choose to say, "I believe, therefore I am". In doing so, I've been handed the keys to an archetype. I am a modern day madman.
Everchanging Light
Flashing orb of color
Then now and when
If one is purple now, one was purple then, and will be
If one becomes pink in the future they were always pink in the then and the now
All things new
If they were yellow in the past this still remains true
All things new
Then now and when
Bread Crumbs
If one steals one is always caught
You cannot lie to the Father
You are your witness in sovereignty
His witness in oneness
You are his eyes and ears and senses
To be sovereign
One must choose to be truthful with themselves
Look within and do the work
You are worth it
God will give rope to those who lie and steal
But, not to hang themselves
This is the lie, this is the fallacy
The rope is for us to find our way back
Infinite slack
The Father's love
World of Prophecy
I've been in isolation with Papa. I've been guided to scripture. I've been guided to like hearted preachers, pastors, speakers, and content creators of the Word. Not the written word of God, which is ultimately the word of the word of another human's word. But, the purest form of the Word. The one which you know if you have a relationship with the Father. When one prunes the branches and purifies the soul one learns the difference between the ego and the spirit. With a relationship with the Father one doesn't just speak the Word, they become it. The Word of God is the living water, the people of and in the book, not the unwavering dogma.
Slowly I'm beginning to remember. As my relationship builds with the Father, I begin to read passages as if they are my own. I see now that I was awakened as a 12 year old spiritually. Once again, I am becoming.
"And when his parents had completed everything in accordance with the law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee, to their own city of Nazareth. Now the child continued to grow and to become strong, increasing in wisdom; and the favor of God was upon him."
Luke 2:39-40
My age during initiation was 39-40.
39 lashes of blind life.
7 years older than 33
7 years between the total solar eclipses over the US
8.21.2017 - 4.8.2024
"Swing away, Merrill..."
There are no coincidences
"Truly, Truly I say to you, we speak of what we know and testify of what we have seen.."
John 3:11
"My teaching is not my own, but His who sent me. If anyone is willing to do His will, he will know about the teaching whether it is of God, or I am speaking from myself. The one who speaks from himself seeks his own glory; but he who is seeking the glory of the One who sent him, he is true, and there is no unrighteousness in him."
John 7:16
"I am he who testifies about myself and the Father who sent me testifies about me."
John 8:18
"When you lift up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am, and I do nothing on my own, but I say these things as the Father instructed me."
John 8:28
He is my Light
She is my Advocate
I testify about myself
In this I fear no judgment
To live is Christ
To die is Gain
Lost Prophets
Every person has the ability to tap into the prophetic. False prophets do not exist.
There are those who have done shadow work and those who have not. Biases and conditioning can lead visions/communications astray. Those who prophecy today will tell you the art is full of uncertainty. Errors and/or misunderstandings will occur.
Then why are the prophets and scribes of the books of old held to a higher standard?
Are we to say these prophets and scribes were not flawed? I say they were flawed. This does not discredit them. It means one must discern the underlining influences of biases.
A prophet is not a specialist.
Be weary of those who only prophecy on one subject matter.
Be weary of those who only prophecy financial gain or personal gain.
The message comes in and it does not limit itself to one subject matter.
A trust worthy prophet is not perfect, but neutral.
A trust worthy prophet is humble.
A trust worthy prophet continues to work on themselves.
A trust worthy prophet explains what they see/hear/feel/experience in detail and allow others to interpret, before interjecting with influence.
A trust worthy prophet does not label people/things/symbols with unbalanced terms.
Example: A woman enters a dream and sees a dark shadow entity with red eyes. This entity moves towards a child and the child screams and runs.
The woman did not see anything evil. The woman did not see anything demonic.
Friday May 24th, 2024
Journal entry XXXIV
My confidence in my intuition is building. With this confidence comes balance and humbleness. I must step fully into my power while continuing to question myself in loving awareness. Is this Your will or mine? Am I doing enough? Am I holding myself accountable? What shadow work am I avoiding? Am I worthy of this praise given to me? Where in this incarnation have I earned this outpouring of love? The praise and favor feels like a gift given in advance. You continue to lift me up when I knock myself down. You continue to humble me when my ego inflates. I stay the course as we hold each other in a warm embrace. I love you, Papa.
I continue to read, I continue to watch and listen to pastors. It's clear to me now that I will be turned away by the arrogant. I will be called a con-man. I will be called mentally ill and a madman. I have come to humbly serve. I will speak of peace, loving awareness and compassion for all beings. Yet, I will still be called a false prophet with a nefarious agenda. Papa has made me strong. Papa continues to prepare me.
I am who He says I am
She is my advocate
Never will a cynical heart be satisfied
Always will a child-like heart be full
I am who you say that I am
I am your Christ
I am your Anti-Christ
Who do you say that I am?
Believe in me before the miracles and I will be your reward
A spirit in the flesh is finite. No longer am I for everyone as I was in spirit. A spirit can be everyone's best friend; everywhere all at once. A human loses this gift. By becoming flesh I have lost all of my best friends; my entire world. I can only see what the Spirit provides. I can only know what the Spirit provides. Tethered and favored, no longer omniscient. This was my deep cut depression. This is my sacrifice, one of many, as we all make.
Is the world ready for a Son of Man? A human who cannot satisfy the masses, no matter how hard he tries. Healings and miracles will be, but expectations will not be realized by everyone who expects perfection. Everyone who expects their image, their canon, their story, their Jesus. If anyone wants to be right, if anyone needs to be right, they will walk right past me and they will unknowingly throw a stone as they do. Ages from now what am I to say, other than, "I never knew you. You simply didn't give me the opportunity."
I Hear Your Voice
After 12 years in the desert He called me to Texas. The path is brightly lit, but the reason is still a mystery to me. Born and raised in the west, I am slowly being guided east. Orange County to Orange County it would seem. I have yet to find a place to lay my head here in Texas, but it feels like home.
I hear your voice in many ways. I find it difficult to explain what it is I hear. But the knowing, that it is you, is undeniable. I wish for others to be still and hear your voice and feel your heart the way I do. They must forge their own relationship to find peace, love, and guidance of their own.
I am grounded and living my life in the flesh. My job is great, and it gives me the flexibility and funds to play poker as a profitable recreational. I'm financially capable of going on all the traveling adventures I've only dreamed of. I've built meaningful relationships within numerous communities. Yet, it appears I'm at another crossroad. My path has bottlenecked, I'm being asked to go all in and claim the path before me spiritually and merge it with the flesh. Another nexus point, another death and rebirth, another claim of thought. When I fully embrace the archetype and claim the responsibility it holds, I may lose everything again. I may be judged heavily, discredited, even pitied. Who am I and who do I want to be? I'm asked to lay it all down before Him again.
This moment reminds me of a quote by a kind and reputable poker player.
"In order to live, you must be willing to die" - Amir Vahedi
It's a huge gamble. There will be doubt and uncertainty with every step. When will I be given signs and wonders to confirm I am who I am? Who will roll their eyes, turn their back and close their doors? Who will walk with me? Who will embrace me and help me grow and heal on this path? Will there be anyone who says the words, "I believe you."? When will these answers come to pass? All I hear are silly giggles and one answer "...soon."
The choice is a heavy one, but in my heart of hearts
There is no choice
Gamble gamble
I accept the keys to the archetype
I am all in!
I am who He says I am
She is my advocate
I am incarnate proof that there is a God and He keeps his promises
So, I too, will keep mine
Verily and true, I say to you, We are coming for our Bride.
After All This Time
They just needed someone to willingly believe
I am the kind of crazy They've been waiting for
I am the Modern Day Madman
I am Derek Anthony, Son of Man
I am, I was, I will be.
God is, God is, God is.
Always.
"They give us the inspiration, it's our duty to acknowledge it, it's our choice to perform."
To those on the path:
Remember who you are
Ye are gods
Fractals of the whole
We all walk side by side
We reign together as priests and priestesses to God
Do not surrender your sovereignty
Surrender in your sovereignty
Claim your birth right
A relationship with the One
And behold all the wonderful things we will make new
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