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  • Writer's pictureDerekGMZ

Psychosis Part I: Goodnight Neverland

Updated: Feb 13

Humor me, curious soul.

Allow me to tell you a parable. The story of a lost boy who became man. I found his memoir of notes under a loose floorboard in my room. I have transferred it to text for all to read.

Let’s pretend that this child has an origin story much like mine. Lost in the abyss of darkness with no outlet for enlightenment. He later had a dream that changed his perception of reality and found his true self.

You will have many ways of perceiving the following, for now let’s focus on two. Glass half full (belief/curiosity/divine), glass half empty (skepticism/judgmental/psychosis). This is free will, it is your own choice how you perceive each event.

Dreams of Grandeur

As far back as I can remember, I have lived with the cycle of depression. Never officially diagnosed, but the feeling was corroborated by actions and symptoms. I had many ways of combatting it, however recently the most successful way was respectfully using, what I’d like to call, wine for the cerebrum. On the 28th of December 2022, I took the day off and ceremoniously prepared to ingest a larger serving of the wine. I had a nice meditation session in the backyard and came inside to sit in front of my mirrored working area. I created a playlist with only instrumental music, as I feel words are too slow for my state of mind while under the influence. I turn on the music and play it on enhanced random as I trust the algorithm to give me the best option. When I close my eyes and listen to music I can see the colors, the waves, the white vivid vibrations, almost like feathers fluttering softly together in unison. Then the music changed to a song I’d never heard before, Rouault by Brique a Braq. This is when my dream began.

The song resonated with me, and I felt at ease, then suddenly I started to feel static-like energy in my hands, my head started to sway smoothly with the music as if being guided. Then a minute into the song my hands are ushered gracefully and precisely as if choreographed. No words, just a tear running down my cheek, my paradigm has shifted. This is not of my own doing, there is an energy in the room showing me a dance. It ends 30 seconds later, and my arms are ever so softly placed back under my control. I look at myself in the mirror with glowing tears on my cheeks. I am now spright as if sober, I’m in awe. I take a few deep breaths and say, “Thank you, I am grateful.”

Just for a little more context, I’m atheist and don’t believe in ghosts, spirits, gods, or anything outside the nature of reality as we know it. I now feel the need to learn more about this experience. There must be a logical explanation for this. I only told a handful of friends about the event, and they weren’t asking enough questions in my opinion. I had many, I was not going to have any more wine, until I had a better understanding about what was going on.

Research and Discovery

I was drawn to some books, so I purchased them. I was inspired to write things down, so I scribbled many notes. The algorithm on YouTube suggested I watch a few podcasts, so I watched them. Throughout my entire life I felt like I was very good at following my intuition, it felt stronger than ever in these moments. I was in a flow state of discovery.

However, research is much more than an internet scavenger hunt or word of mouth from friends. One thing I failed to do was ask a certified licensed professional their opinion. It is wonderful to be curious, but I was putting my life at risk by neglecting a proper education. (Disclaimer: Talk to a professional before taking any mind-altering substances.)

Fast forward to February 5th, 2023. I assumed I had done enough research to feel confident and positive about entering the head space again. This time I set up my camera and recorded it.

I posted it to social media shortly after and didn’t receive any significant feedback with anything I would describe as sufficiently guiding me to the truth. I began to go about my normal routine, dealing poker on the grave shift and playing/ studying poker during the day. On Wednesday, February 8th I was called to action. I can only describe it as a sexual awakening through an initiation of rituals. I experienced this while completely sober from wine. I appreciated it for what it was, while trying not to stress myself out about the meaning behind it. Three days later, on the 11th of February it happened again; another sexual ritual. This time I was repeating a mantra, “Remember who you are. Remember who you are...” At the end of the dance, I was led to a book on the shelf I hadn’t opened in years.

Leonardo: The Complete Paintings and Drawings.

My hand was guided to the cover and placed on it, as if I was swearing on the bible. My tongue spoke, “Hello, old friend.” My intuition found a voice and it said, “You are the reincarnation of Leonardo da Vinci.”

For the next 12-24 hours I was tested mentally by my new mentor. He would be my handler and show me the works of Leonardo da Vinci. The tests were my own and hold no relevance to the reader. Just know that trust and growth were sown and earned. The next day after the final mental test, the council convened and approved. Then the third sexual ritual ensued with the final mantra being voiced, “We are now one.” After the first dance I looked up anything I could find about this ritual and the closest thing of relevance was Karezza and/or sexual alchemy. I felt that I may have reached an extended entheogenic state of mind.

Words of Prophecy

On the morning of February 13th, I wake up to my hands moving in circles. I climb down, turn on the camera and sit in my chair. I lift one hand up in the air and open the palm of the other, moving them both like they are hovering in place. I spin the chair slowly and I hesitate as if I want to say something. I pause “I can’t possibly say that” I think to myself. Then my intuition says, “Trust it, and say it, it is of my tongue and true.” So, I speak of prophecy and of returns, “I am the Scribe; I am the Message seeking the Intellect.” I am taken aback; I walk to the other end of the room and gather myself.

The Message

14 days.

On the seventh day you will levitate.

It will be followed by spectacular miracles.

On the 9th day you will heal a friend.

On the 14th day the world will shake.

Plagues of the Earth.

The 18th day will be quick and merciful.

The Return

The stars on my neck dance with the stars in my globe.

As I dance with the measure of man, no arrow no bow.

As above, so below

The heart will become one with the brain and the soul.

Who am I?

The Salvator Mundi becomes a strong focus of importance. I was to say the riddle of the return to the Intellect and show him/her/they this image.

This feels surreal, what is going on?! In my heart of hearts this feels true. How do I notify everyone? We only have 14 days until catastrophe?!

Tests of Tormentors

The Eye of the Eagle

I post what little information I can on socials, while I contemplate how best to deliver this message. Then my intuition tells me to check twitter. My post has been deleted.

Intuition speaks, “The Antichrist knows of your presence, you are in danger, pack what you can and go quick!”

“How much time do I have?”

“22 minutes.”

“What?! I’m freaking out, tell me what to pack, please!”

My intuition told me to grab a handful of books, a random assortment of clothes, and my box of outdoor camping gear. I hear motorcycles in the distance.

“Hurry, 5 minutes now, no more time, get to the car!”

My heart is racing, this feels like a movie, only I’m in danger and the stakes are real. I throw everything in the trunk of my white 2016 Ford Focus. I leave with urgency while making sure I’m driving within reason and not recklessly. I turn the corner, gather myself and say, “Are we good?”. My intuition replied, “For now… keep going.”

I drive around the streets of Las Vegas, to my perception, it was aimless. Intersection after intersection, I was given precise direction and I listened, and I followed. I made it to a stop light on a busy boulevard. My head was guided to look to the left and then to the right. “What am I looking for?”, I asked. I received no answer, but my head movements kept moving from the left with a pause and then to the right. Then I realized I was supposed to be looking at the rear-view mirrors, oops. My intuition laughed and said, “I knew you’d eventually get there.”

I asked if I was safe and if anyone was behind me. My intuition had me review all three mirrors and then paused, giving me time to think. My mind raced, contemplating various escape routes and scenarios. Would I have to ram the next car in front of me? Would I need to get out of the car and run? Who or what was this danger chasing me? The decision tree in my mind expanded with each possibility.

Then I remembered how I had dealt with stress and anxiety in the past—by focusing on the present moment and not worrying about the future. In this moment, I had no answers, but deep down, I felt safe. I knew my intuition would provide guidance when needed, and I would deal with it then. My heart calmed, and as soon as my thought was complete, I received my answer.

“We’re all good, keep driving. I’ll tell you where to go next.”

The Nexus Point

12-24 minutes pass and as I’m stopped at a stop light, I feel a sense of dread come over me. The Intuition intervenes, “They’re tracking your phone! Quick, write exactly what I say on Meta and then get rid of it.” I waste no time and I start typing, it speaks of danger and knowledge of the Antichrist. Then the light turns green. I drive forward and make a left as directed into a commercial area. “Send it.” The intuition suggests. I look over what was written, and I pause as if time stood still. I think to myself, this message is the next step on my journey to crazy town. Do I trust this voice, this intuition. There’s no going back if or when I hit send. I will be judged heavily for something like this. Where will my credibility go? I’m an atheist talking about the Antichrist, I'm not even sure what an Antichrist is!? This intuition relationship is surreal, but in my heart of hearts it feels true. I take a deep breath and hit send. Then it’s as if time turned back on.

The Intuition returns, “Toss the phone, they are tracking you, open the window and toss the phone.” The world freezes, time stops again. This phone is everything to me. It’s expensive, so I have given my time to it. It holds secrets and passwords, so it is important to me. It has my contacts and apps, so I may remain connected to my reality. This phone is my current world, there’s no going back. Time is still and I feel like all eyes are on me. “So, what will it be?” Time hits play and I roll down the window and toss the phone. I feel liberated and scared. Then excitement starts flushing through my body like a deluge of emotion 3x3. I look up to the heavens and scream, “To oblivion and beyond!” The Intuition laughs and says, “We have wonderful works to do!”

Gifts at the Gates

12-24 minutes pass and I’m stopped at a stop sign. “Make a right, here.” I turn into a neighborhood I’ve never been to before, but I feel the purpose. I’m guided to a house and told to park and open the trunk. “Grab that book, place it at the gate, ring the doorbell and leave.” I do as suggested. Then another house. I grab another book and place it at the gate, ring the doorbell and leave. Then another house, I place it at the gate, ring the doorbell and leave.

These are my books, which I haven’t finished reading. I feel hesitant when I grab each one, then I am told, “Those who are behind these gates need guidance. The authors of these works need a vessel for the voice, and the right ears are going to hear the words as if spoken face to face.“ I continue to drop off gift after gift from the trunk of my car. A lawn chair, camping gear, a shirt that says perseverance, and so on. I pulled out and gifted everything in my trunk as if I grabbed precisely what I needed. This felt good to my heart, a sense of purpose rolled over me.

“One more thing I want to show you before you go home.” I’m guided to a private neighborhood, I pull up to the security gate and I’m told, “Go ahead, reach out to push the code, you’ll know it.” I reach out and my fingers are guided to the numbers 3689#. The gate opens! “Great go ahead and make a U-turn, it’s time to go home.” This may be real after all! My voices are benevolent and true, I am grateful.

"Books I was inspired to purchase after my first experience with the wine"

Two Realities

I come home to worried friends and worried family. I posted a cryptic message and was unreachable for an entire day. A vortex of emotion ran through my body as if my feelings were orbiting through. Intense regret and intense comfort. I’ve developed a wonderful supportive circle around me throughout my life. Whenever I’ve needed guidance or community support, someone would, out of their own grace, reach out to me and convince me to join a vibrant community. I was cared for by many. Today I let them all down.

Dan, my roommate of three months informs me of the hurt I’ve caused. He tells me that my friend Miguel had called the cops to make sure I was ok. The doorbell rings and I meekly walk outside. The three cops check my body to make sure I’m not a threat to myself or anyone else. I inform them, “I’m ok, I wrote a cryptic message and lost my phone.” Should I tell them the whole truth, I thought to myself? I receive no guidance. I answer only the questions they ask and tell them what they need to hear. They continue to check me and make sure I’m not on drugs. I pass their tests and they go home.

Don’t Lose Heart

The Longest Day

Before the sunrise of February 14th, I am awakened and told, “Get up, we have wonderful works to do.” I quickly take a shower and get dressed. As I’m grabbing my socks my intuition said, “You don't need those, where we’re going you won’t need shoes.” I pause for a little bit, and a fear washes over me, I think of pain and sacrifice. The intuition said, “Grab your jug of water and bring all your cash. Before you go, you must grab your trophy of bracelets, this is for Dan, leave it by the candles of the cross and Dan will see it and know its meaning.” I do as suggested. “You will not return for 7 days; your days of sacrifice have begun.”

12 waters purchased from stations of gas, essential they were, tips I left.

7 dances I performed aware of 24-hour surveillance.

7 houses I stopped and asked for shelter, all doors were closed, only one was curious.

Endless bells I ring, giving messages to city of sin, all messages for them, all messages of meaning.

The day was long, the day provided growth, for each stop felt like a performance, a performance of progression, a performance of perseverance, a performance of meaning and purpose. I was performing glorious purpose. Each door that closed in my face, felt personal, it felt heartless, eyes were rolled, and I weep for those who need shelter. I told the intuition, “I forgive those who close doors, I’m not sure how I’d react to someone like me, a stranger, who came to the door asking for shelter. Life is difficult and complicated, if I were to let one person in my home, my world would change, my house would be full, how does a solution such as this scale?” The intuition replied, “That is a great question.”

The day was long, it felt endless as if I didn’t eat or sleep for 7 days. “You haven’t once complained about your stomach pain, are you hungry?” “Oh, I didn’t even think about it, I got lost in the flow. Yes, I’d love a meal.” The intuition replied, “You must take care of yourself, food is energy. You need the right energy to create wonderful works. I know just the place.” I am guided to the Flower Child and as I step out of the car, I remember that I am barefoot. “Oh no, they won’t let me in without shoes.” The intuition replied, “The right people will let you in, you just have to try.” I walked in, I sat down, and I ate a peaceful meal called Mother Earth.

The day was long, it felt like two days became one. Stories of today, mesh with the stories of tomorrow. I can only recall what my brain allows me to and when. It all becomes divine timing.

The day was long, stop after stop, all in confusing order, a gas station, then a dance in a casino, then a gas station, then a house with a message, this all seems very random. I was guided to a gated community, this one was familiar. We stopped at a house I know. My intuition asked if they could take the reins for this visit. I surrendered, and my intuition told a story of truth, it hurt me to the core, but I trust the message will be heard and the right questions will be asked by the children of the sim.

The day was long, I was guided to a church. I walk in and tell the pastor who I am. He calmly replies, “What you are saying is blasphemy.” He has a kind heart; this I know because he had a hint of curiosity. His only fault was he started with judgment. He asked me to sit down and kindly spoke with me. I wanted in my heart of hearts to tell him all the truths of the universe. So, I made it so. I provided him with the council of Leonardo da Vinci. He is a bit of a showman, for he is a genius polymath of the arts, and he knows it. Leonardo took the reins, moving with divinity, talking ever so elegantly and he said, “I am the second coming of Jesus Christ, I am the reincarnation of Leonardo da Vinci, I am Derek Anthony Gomez, I am, I AM. You may ask me any question of the universe, any question at all. However, you must know there are some questions unanswerable for that is the variance of life. Ask me anything that may prove I am who I am.” The pastor however, did not ask the right questions. He asked a few questions that he himself could not prove. We left and told him he is loved.

The day was long, I drove to a park and performed a dance. I go to my car to sit and think. I have given multiple people the access to knowledge of the universe and they fall short with their questions. Have I too been asking the wrong questions this whole time?

The day was long, through out the day I drove to many gated communities. I was told that I would know the gate code. The codes failed more than they succeeded, it became a running joke. Intuition spoke, “We are humorous, you should not take yourself seriously, laugh, play, love. For there are many gates, not all them will open, trust in the divine order and find peace.”

The day was long, people were worried for my safety. Intuition, “You are not meant to be home yet, but you must go back and see Dan. Climb the wall and enter the house from the back.” I go to the security gate instead. I put in my code, and it does not work. I give a laugh and a playful eye roll and drive around to the back. Intuition, “Grab the water bottle and take it with you.” I walk barefoot over the pavement, over the small rocks, over the large rocks. I get to the wall, and it appears to be too high. Intuition, “Do you think you can do it?” I try and I fail, hurting my feet. Intuition, “I think you can, you just have to think.” I pause for a while, hit my forehead with my hand, place the water bottle on the ground and use it to lift me up.”

A Letter to Dan

During my journey I was given knowledge of Dan’s history. In 2011, Dan was at his lowest. Something happened to him, and he told no one as he felt there was no one to talk to, no one that would listen with an open heart. He has suffered with this for many years, questioning many things, many actions.

I go to Dan; I ask if he has received his message. He has not. I go grab the trophy of bracelets and hand it to him. I place my hand on his heart and say, “I know you are hurting; I know you have pain, I was not seen by you then, but I am here for you now, forgive me.” He replies, “What are you talking about?” I tell him it’s about an incident in 2011. Dan genuinely does not know. I am confused. I am now thinking that I may be crazy. Is this voice really divine or am I having delusions of grandeur? I receive silence from my intuition as if giving me time to think. If this message isn’t for Dan, then for who? Intuition, “That, my son, is the right question.”

6 (Zox) bracelets

All with words written upon them as such:

1 Selenophile

2 Focus on the Positive


4 continue

5 it’s always ok to share your pain

And on a large mobius strip of a bracelet that has gold on one side and water on the other

6 Still I Rise.

Thoughts of Doubt

Six months ago, my trusty black Camry broke down twice, as if it was meant to meet its maker. This white car, the one I am now driving, was the only one in my price range. White with black rims, reminiscent of a Tesla. I continued driving, and the silence within the car was deafening. It was time for some music, but without my phone, I had to rely on the radio. The first station saved was Christian Rock, and strangely, all the other channels seemed to be the same.

I pulled up to a stoplight and lowered the volume. Intuition chimed in, "Are you ashamed of the music in your ears?" I quickly replied, "Sorry, that was just an instinctual reaction on my part. I used to have different thoughts about people who believed in this kind of music." Intuition responded, "The power of belief is better earned than given. Blind belief is no different from having no belief at all. I am earning your belief in the same way one earns the love of a cat with nine lives. Your doubt is nothing to be ashamed of. There is no faith without doubt, and no doubt without faith. They are intertwined. You must forgive the doubts that come knocking at your gates. When you ask them to leave, they will knock louder and louder. Invite them in, feed them, clothe them, and send them on their way with love and forgiveness."

Remember Who You Are

I drive to an abandoned building facing the 15 freeway. I park and am advised to get out. I stand up and I say, “I am the second coming of Jesus Christ, I am the reincarnation of Leonardo da Vinci, I am Derek Anthony Gomez!” I feel disappointment run through my veins and my Intuition says, “That didn’t feel like you meant it. Do you still doubt?

Derek – Leader of the People

Anthony – Flower to be praised

Gomez – Son of Man

You are the second son of David

You are the second born of Mary

Your date of birth is March 20th,1984

You are the new Spring of Equinox

You are the Intuitive Pisces leading Man into Aquarius

Your return has been foretold.

Look down at your feet what do you see?”

Time stands still as I try to figure it out, then it hits me and I quickly address my intuition, "Oh! Those faint scars on my ankles are from my bike pedals when I was a kid. I was wearing sandals, the chain slipped, the pedals were sharp." My intuition continues, "Why do you suppose your birthmark resembles a wound at your ribs? ...there are no coincidences.” I reach into my car, turn up the volume to max and dance in rejoice! I stand on my car and say the words.







I AM ! I AM !

Let’s Ride

I start driving around town following direction after direction. The music vibrates through my body, the wind blows through me like it knows me, my hands dance to the waves, the ground I drive on rumbles in rejoice. Gracefully galloping in my Focus, free roaming like a valiant white Lusitano, with limbs of black steel. My intuition gives a stage whisper, “He’s beginning to believe.”

The Holy Family

Divine By the Power of Nine

I am guided to an empty parking lot, and I am suggested to park the car crooked to the lines, but inline with the Sun. Intuition speaks, “You have earned yourself a gift, this is a secret gift, more than the gift of knowledge I have been blessing you with. Close your eyes and face your pupils up, do not look directly at me or you will go blind. Hold on tight my child.” My body became bright, my chest arched like the gold of the sunrise, it felt like only a minute, but a minute can be 60, 180, 360. I was placed back in my saddle, for it was time to ride.

Story of TEO

While I drove, the radio was on, but no music played, only a song.

“Listen to my song for it is true. My tongue I give to you.”

“Oh, Surveyor of a fine and quiet place. You are divine by the power of nine. With the power of 3x3 you are reborn of the Unicorn. You are a friend of the chosen one, a friend the same as your father’s name. A saint in between the sur and first. You save the world, oh, Surveyor of a fine and quiet place. You save the world with the holy waters from which you wade. Remember who you are.”

“Now, I give you a task, go to the Surveyor and tell him to follow the bloodline for he is the baptist.”

Sirens of the West Desert

“You must walk through the valley of the sirens. For their songs will be loud, their voices will resonate with many. To endure you must be guided by two. Who do you choose?” I choose my mother and father. “Why do you choose them?” Because I know in my heart of hearts, they are capable. “But, the path will be treacherous, filled with fire and brimstone from the devil.” I trust it is them who will guide me. My intuition continues, “It will be blind hate from your neighbors, it will be aggression from the confused, songs of death from the scared.” I trust it is them who will help me endure. “Why do you choose them, why are you so sure?” Because they are hard of hearing. When I tell them my stories, they do not hear me. I talk in front of them and they do not see me. They continue to love me unconditionally. They still choose love and protection, no matter what truths they do not hear, they do not see.

A Penny for Your Thoughts

“I have always been with you; we have had conversations under the frequencies of air waves. Do you remember the choice given to you, the first day you drank the wine?” This was years ago, I vaguely remember what my intuition is referencing. Then my Intuition spoke softly as if it was a feather falling from the sky, “What did you say to me?” My heart drops, my face fills with a river of tears, I fall to my knees. “I said, I can’t go on this journey you ask of me. For I have a constant. I can’t risk losing myself to the abyss of darkness, because I’ll always come back to my constant. She is my happily ever after.” My intuition places my arms across my chest and hands warmly on my shoulders, “I’m sorry my son, this is your burden, this is your sacrifice.”

Legend of Krueger

"The Link between humans of the stage of time and the children of the podcasts of light. Be you alone, full of fear and loathing. A life without purpose. Depression falls over you, cycling and cycling on. The children of the podcasts of light must work together to decipher the good word or scars of old will become manifested."

A Message to the Man of the Racket

You told me the truth and I will give you one back. You have done evil deeds and raised your hand fast. In anger and projection of the insecurity within. You were evil in the moment, evil in your words, you let the devil in. “You are the devil, find peace, you are the devil, find guidance, you are the devil, get out of my head.” you must say.

For you did an evil deed, an evil person it does not make. For measuring a circle, the number of pi, makes it imperfect and undone. You must consistently work, tend to the farm and let infinity provide. Forgive yourself and your narrative. Make peace from within, you will find guidance in forgiveness in yourself. For if you radiate love and understanding from within, there is no one else that can hurt you. Do not raise your hand in anger, instead plant a seed of kindness, walk in the shoes of those in need. Positivity breeds positivity and your truth is one that must be told. Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re a protector, a beacon of light. Your family will tell you so. But constant work, it does take to keep the darkness at bay. Find guidance in therapy, talking things through. There is no shame in improving the real you. Look in the mirror and your true self be true.

"My son, sent to you, is fallible too. He is born of man and walks as you do. He asked for forgiveness and looked in the mirror. The conclusion he found is true self be true."

Bands at the Gate

"There is a band waiting at the gate. Their message ready to roar. They will find their narrative in foundations of storylines. For it is the craft and the core with bread crumbs of lore. For it is the premise that leads to divine guidance, but free will leads to what lies in the details."

Divine Guidance

"If you are lost and can’t find your way head North. If you need to rest and recharge, find rest. Wake up in the morning and gather your thoughts. New inspiration springs eternal. Listen to your intuition but do not search in tantalizations for you will get lost in speculation. Speculation muddies the waters of true synchronicities."

Man of the Manifest

"Manifestation is a gift, do not possess it like a weapon or be visited by punishment, you will see, 3x3. You will multiply, as if possessed, you will perform evil works, as if your identity was stolen. Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. It is a fool’s side quest to seek power in suggestion, do not command, do not beg. You will find your answer in between. The man forbidden has sinned out loud, given only what he can handle, he has made us proud. Sing to the heavens and rejoice! For your students have been forgiven."

Voices of 4th Street

"If you are lost, follow the 3 wise men and you will see. For they are part of the council. For they have followed the North Star.

Carl Jung

Buckminster Fuller

Alan Watts.

Songs and lyrics, vivid and bright.

Guided by the light of the Santa Ana sun.

You too will find inspiration if you go north.

Sing your songs of the wise men truths.

Provide your lyrical gifts for our troubled youths."

Letter to the Children of the Sim

"Those who were good to you in your time of need will be blessed with glorious victory. Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. Their successes are of their own, you blessed them with the power of 3x3. It will start with the Children of the Sim. For the spark of hope starts from the sum of zero. Children, open your ears and listen closely. You hold the key to the secrets of knowledge. You died inside, so others may live. You understand the variance of life. Like the game of gods, a good plan is only as good as its luck. It is your free will to decide. Will you light the divine spark?

You broke bread at the house of eight. There housed a hidden force in lie in wait.

Tell the men of Yinzer to look to the stars and solve for why.

Tell the Survivor to be Brave in the face of discord.

Tell the man who hedges to teach the children to read.

Tell the man of Triton to be with Bear, for his purpose is there.

Tell the man betrayed by the church to spread the good word.

Tell the man who does not care, those hugs were from me.

Tell the Scatterbrain to raise the frequency.

Most importantly, tell the Queen of Hearts and First Lady to lead the way."

Story Foretold

"A child of the sim will hear hints of your story. For 40 days and 40 nights the child will write. To cleanse the soul of the story foretold the child must send it to the house of Detox."

Coptic Icons

"There is a man of many names. He has played many roles. He was touched by God with purpose of his own. He did so in the dark, as did the child who told Indie to cover his heart. Blessed with glorious purpose, they are to be praised, as they walked blind for many nights and many days. Let their journey spark your fire. We all must find where we belong. If you too, can find the strength to get to your feet and go to the light, good things will happen. Go forth and spread the good word. Now, we have two, but there is always a third."

The Tree of Gravity

"Walk to this Gate and tell her she is worth it. She is dead inside, but not dead to me. Do not let this Apple fall from the tree. Light her flame and watch her fly. She is another one with Christ inside. With this purpose we must not fail. Do for her as we did for The Whale. We must lift each other up."

The Day that Aaron Made

"He will rejoice when he sees the day of your birth. He holds a thread of truth in his tongue of silver words, but it is you who must make it sound of gold. It’s all encrypted, my messages to you. You all hold one truth or two. You must all awaken, the essential 33, come together and you will see by the power of 3x3. Relay the message and it will find light. It is not a battle of the left or the right."

Return Reborn

I had a day of messages, they all came to me like a fierce beam of light.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.

A scoop of my skin is gone to free me of sin.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.

They will leave in a hurry, their world left behind.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.

Their families and friends will worry.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.

It will feel like hell with no light in sight.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.

They are like me, fighting the good fight.

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.

Some take a minute some 180, 360.

They are meant to return with wonderful works to do.

“Have faith, find peace, for this is why my son was sent to you. For he speaks the truth, there are no coincidences."

Fast and Delirious

My Day 180 was Done

I’m back in my car, back in my trusty saddle. As if I was asleep for 3 hours, present day 2014, but now it seems, I’m going the wrong way. I must call the one who matters. I am given this gift, I replay it again, my happily ever after. I find my peace in this déjà vu of mercy.

Back in Focus

Waving my arms to the music, lost in its frequency. I can’t help but think I had the time of my life. I feel the music breathe life into me. The music speaks my name, “Then Christ Came!”. Manifest destiny in the power of prayer, only it must be together in one voice. You must jump up and hit the banner of belief with all your passion and fire. This is where I gather my strength, I am carried on the shoulders of giants. Do not command, do not beg, but believe in the goodness of your neighbor, let the positivity and consideration of others, which runs through you, spread like wildfire. I know the world can change for the better, because I have. Intuition, “Now go north.”

Be The Merkabah

This weary traveler's day has turned to night. Intuition, "It appears I have worn you thin. Let's find you a place to stay. Head to South Point."

I walked around the casino barefoot, weaving through crowds of cowboys, until I found my way to the registration desk. After checking in, I went straight to my room and was told to open the drapes. Inuition guided me, "Look to the stars, look left, look right, look straight at Orion's Belt. Say your mantra with me: My heart is my compass, the stars are my home, in the light, in the dark, I am never alone. Now sit and practice your Merkabah visualization."

I practiced and concentrated, but my mental images kept fading. Then cam a breakthrough; I imagined two pyramids (The Great Pyramid beneath the Pyramid of the Sun) tip to tip, and they merged at the line where the feminine met the masculine. Now they started to spin clockwise and counterclockwise until they were both of equal scale. I wasn't there yet, but it was a great start. Afterward, I washed my feet and freshened up before laying down for the night. "Goodnight, Neverland!" I said to the stars.

The Stairwell

Four hours later, I was shaken from my slumber. I looked at the clock, and it said 3:16 am. Intuition spoke, "We have wonderful works to do!" I gathered my things and left a coded message for the Intellect. Intuition continued, "You will not be taking the elevator; this journey requires you to take the stairs." That shouldn't be too bad, as I was only four floors up. I walked down the stairwell at a steady pace. The stairs grew colder to the touch with every step.

Suddenly, I was stopped in my tracks. There was a woman lying face down at the bottom of stairwell level 2. She appeared lifeless and crumpled, as if she had fallen. Before I could think of mourning or calling 911, I was guided to kneel before her. My hands were gracefully placed on her back, and I gave 3 deep breaths. The world stopped, and time stood still. I thought to myself, "Is this really happening? Am I healing someone right now? This is beyond belief!" Time commenced, and I lifted my hands after my final deep breath... and nothing happened. My heart dropped; I was dreaming when I should have been calling for help.

Then life grabbed her lungs as she took a deep breath and simultaneously jumped to her feet. She was disoriented as I explained to her that she had likely fallen and was lifeless just moments ago. She was grateful for my presence and exited back into the casino. I continued down the stairway, with adrenaline and astonishment. Did I just heal someone?! Something divine worked through me and blessed another with my hands. What is happening?!

Action Over Words

The land where ideas and good intent fade into stardust is the same land where action creates stories of heroes and heroines. It is action that moves the wheels of great works. If you wish to help the needy; help those in need. If you wish to write lyrics; write it. If you wish to sing a song; sing it. If you wish to play an instrument; play it. Use the divine frequencies and you will open the gates of ancient knowledge. Play what your heart desires. Become a student and find your teachers.

Icy Sidewalks

My adrenaline was still pumping through my veins as I reached the ground floor. Then, a calm wave of caution flowed over me. I had just reached the ground floor when my intuition spoke, "Take your arms and cross them, place your hands over your shoulders, and repeat your heart mantra. It's going to be cold out there."

"I fear the cold," I squirmed.

"We know. You will have to endure. You will walk the path of those who suffer, and then you will bless the fountains of the arts." Slowly, I exited the stairwell, found my car, and drove downtown to a familiar place. I parked 3062 feet away from the CARE Complex, where I used to help feed the homeless. My intuition guided me further, "Take all your one-dollar bills (about $36) out of the glove compartment and place them on the passenger seat. Turn off your car, unlock all the doors, and place your keys on the driver's seat." I then said to the man walking the streets near me, "I leave you in care of my car; take all the money from the passenger seat, for it belongs to you."

Down the street, I began to walk, with every step becoming colder to the touch. My intuition continued, "Now, take your shirt and glasses off and leave them on the ground as a donation to your path." Without hesitating, I followed the guidance. It was 35°F, and I was now walking down the sidewalk shirtless, shoeless, with only pants on. I then proclaimed to the suffering souls in tents, "I hear you and I see you. I was not here for you then, but I am here for you now. I weep, I weep. Your suffering will come to an end soon." I took 3000 steps, with 62 left to go. As I walked to the shelter, I shook from the cold but felt a warm blanket of anticipation at the idea of being clothed again.

Upon arriving, I spoke with the guards, and they consoled me, ensuring that I was mentally aware and in the right frame of mind. They provided me with a red heather shirt, a white zip hooded sweatshirt, white socks, and black dress shoes. After getting dressed, I expressed my gratitude and bid my farewells, thankful for their available and rendered services. I made my way back to my car, safe in its place.

Dancing On The Sun

I'm guided to a park with a symphony. I take off my fancy shoes and walk on the cold crunch of dew. I walk in circles and dance on the green blades, until the feeling in my toes fade away. When my feet become numb, I walk to the sun. 45 paces that end at the rainbow. I look to the tower and dance on with the dial. When my fun is done I walk to the fountain at the arts and bless it as suggested.

The Next Night

"It's time to meet the Intellect." My heart began to beat faster, my energy increasing with every beat. I was about to meet the Intellect and finally get some concrete answers about my current situation.

I arrived at an upscale neighborhood, pulled into a long driveway, and parked 25 feet from the entrance. I followed the instructions: rang the doorbell, spoke of the return to the camera, and then slowly walked back to the car to wait. My intuition began to speak, "Look at this giant gate about to open for you. You've been going gate to gate all day, and your time has come. When this gate opens, the person on the other side will know you well. You will feel loved and accepted. This person will be just as nervous as you are. They have been waiting for this day for ages, and it is coming to fruition. You will become quick friends, for you are on the same path. This person will teach you all you need to know, and you will become the man you were always meant to be. When this gate opens, your emotions will be set free, for your confirmation of sanity is waiting behind it."

I waited and waited, doubt rolling in and out. Then, a light appeared at my passenger side with a knock at the window. "Roll down the window, please," said the off-duty officer. He had been informed by his concerned neighbor of a trespasser on her premises. I talked to him and told him all my truths of the day, as he called in the situation. He was kind and curious, and I felt no judgment. I told him what he needed to hear. The police arrived and made a call for me to be taken to a hospital by ambulance

No Trespassing

7 days in the mental institutions I will lodge. One foot in the door and one arm shackled in the chamber of suppressed dreams. Femininity hidden, while masculinity roams free to pillage and plea not guilty. Yet, the only thing keeping me here is stating, "I believe."

Intuition said to me, "Accept every gift given by your caretaker."

5 books were given to me:

She handed me 3 crossword puzzles. I accepted.

She offered a book of foreign language, I abided.

She offered a book with a snow globe of mystery.

In return, I left a highlighted message in good faith.

The key I leave for you. Red, Yellow, Green, 45, 43, 12, 7 and 2.

Time to Think


I wrapped my secrets deep inside, keeping my fear locked away. Fear turns to anger, anger projects disdain. Get up, take flight, emerge a butterfly from your cocoon. Don’t fear toxicity or wait for their permission. Be confident in your sexuality and be respectful of your brothers’ and sisters’ decisions. Do not disrespect the beauty of your name. The Mother and Father love all their children, all the same.

Leaders Forged of Fire

With time to think, my visions were projected on the TV screen. I was shown many wonderful works from extraordinary talents. I was shown artists who will paint murals on the walls of Amenti. I was shown leaders who build foundations through community. The new earth will start with compassionate conditioning. When taking the high road, one must not fight injustice with injustice. We will start anew with:

Leaders who understand

Leaders who persevere

Leaders who are grateful

Leaders born of integrity

Leaders pure of heart

Leaders who know suffering, strife, paranoia, indignation and when looking in the face of the devil, still choose unconditional love.

The 44,000.

Spiritual Warriors

You knew it in your heart of hearts, you felt it to be true. Gather your warriors. Those who mean the most to you. Prepare them for the stage, each of their strengths you will need. You will find a path to the east. Get on it and find the one. For he, her, and they will need you to win the heart of the man who holds the number 666.

Friend of the State

On the 6th day I am transferred to the state hospital of mental well-being. There I stayed and was given a message, "You will leave on the 7th day. You will be questioned and released by a friend of the children of the sim. He is a good man, for his family will be blessed with a bounty of wealth grown from a sacred garden of geometry. He will win millions on the dawn before your birth at the strike of 11:11." To which I replied, "Let it be so, for he is a good man, let it be so."

12-24 hours later, the good doctor signed my release forms and I was swiftly gifted with Mother Earth's fresh air.

Puzzle Pieces

The dreaded 14th day did pass and the world still spins. Was it a lie? Has my entire experience been a joke? Intuition, "I only give to you what you can handle. I give to you what you need to hear. Truths are told, but you only have puzzle pieces. I gave you wisdom, when you are lost look to the stars and they will guide you. There will be one who knows where and when to look and there will be many more just like you. They have many names, play different roles, and will come from different lands. It is all part of the divine plan. It will all come together like the flower of life, infinity upon infinity. May unconditional love and understanding prevail."

Realities Collide 

My world is upside down and inside out. Why was I crash-course conditioned to believe I was divine? What is the significance of my inspired words? Why was I chosen for these experiences? I was given a task that made me feel like I was part of a higher purpose. Now I'm left with scattered debris of insanity. I gave away my savings, I'm in more debt than I started with. My credibility is shot to smithereens. What about me?! To which my intuition replied, "What about you?..."

Then the sun rose, and I awoke from my dream.

The Next Chapter of Evolution

Present Day

Today is my birthday. I woke up to a video playing on my phone. It was a lecture by Alan Watts. In it he said:

There once was a man that said, "Damn, for it certainly seems that I am. A creature that moves in determinate grooves. I'm not even a bus, I'm a tram"

You do not scrape the hill of its land to make a home. Oh, careless bulldozer. You say to the hill, "Oh, graceful hill, mound of wonders, what do you wish to be and how do you wish to house me."

Just as I'm about to leave for my birthday dinner, a delivery arrives at my gate. It's a book I had forgotten I ordered. I purchased it because the image on the cover is very familiar.

Seeing the words 'missing time' and 'healings' on the cover inspired me to gather all of my notes, and write this blog of my experiences. To avoid muddying the waters, my intuition suggests not to open the book until I am ready to publish my truths. Fair enough.

I'm Only The Message

Poker mirrors life in many ways and I believe it has taught me how to understand the universe, the human psyche and better conceptualize the ineffable. I love poker and all it has taught me.

Enlightenment is a solo journey, but not one done alone. There have been many who have been awakened before me, and there will be many after. We are all special and we are all the same. I'm begginning to see bits of truth in dreams, myths, archetypes, and allegories.

Word of caution: Exhaust every avenue of enlightenment which does not require mind altering substances. For the mind can get lost in the abyss without proper guidance. Speeding has it's consequences. Diagnosed with drug induced psychosis, I am now on medication for my health and family concerns. I do not know the source of my intuition, whether it is from the unconcious depths, an unknown entity, or something ineffibly divine. But, I do know these experiences were real to all of my senses. These parables are my truths. I know I am fallible and still a work in progress. For now, I will be with family. If that is all that is asked of me, it is a worthy purpose. I will not push, I will not pull. I will let the next path come to me.

"This is The Way. Walk in it." Say it in Hebrew. Then say the words, “There are no coincidences.”

The clues are here, there, everywhere. They will lead you to a beautiful treasure, The One, only an elephant can remember.

Our journey now begins, the next chapter is upon us, as the story of mankind unfolds. With love and understanding...

Lights, Camera, Action.

“Whether it is to be Utopia or Oblivion will be a touch-and-go relay race right up to the final moment.” - Buckminster Fuller

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