Inner Alchemy

After this year's spring equinox, I've felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. The hero's arc of this blog's narrative has come to completion. I fully committed to what I was guided to experience and express. I now move forward with the quiet confidence of someone who has already met the dragon, leaning into the hints of prophecy while still unaware of what awaits around the bend. I am now weightless, as though I had finally laid down the armor that once kept me alive. I move with intention, like a seasoned fighter whose movements have become instinct, no longer wasting motion. There is no fear in being judged. Since my awakening there has been no desire to keep appearances or project an image to uphold. I simply am.

I've gone through the rude awakening from agnostic atheist to believer in things unseen. I've followed guidance even when those around me could not understand it. I've looked into the face of death and accepted it. I've lost friends. I've lost status. I've lost much of what I built in my previous life.

I've gone through the inner alchemy of living as though I were the reincarnation of Hitler. I've gone through the inner alchemy of living as though I were the reincarnation of Yeshua. I've sat at opposite ends of the spectrum and lived within them both. Acceptance and shame. Humility and pride. Grace and unworthiness. I sat in it all and experienced it fully.

I have written it in this blog for anyone willing to follow the journey in real time. I have openly shared these things with new friends, fearing they might eventually distance themselves from me and leave me alone, as others had in the past.

Whatever this purpose of initiation is, I do not know. But I am here for it. I am still sane. I am still coherent. I am still grounded. I am still Derek.

I am nothing. I am everything.

When I sit in contemplation, I find myself asking: How will this linear timeline collapse? What skills will I need to best help myself and others while here in the now? Will I have enough time to "acquire" these skills? Must I ignore the joys of material life in order to continue on such a path? After battling internally with excuses and procrastination, I eventually accepted the uncertainty of it all and chose to lean into material life while simultaneously working towards something greater. I released myself from the unnecessary burden of generational responsibility and the pressure of feeling that every step needed to serve some greater philosophical or spiritual purpose. Some things can simply be fulfilling because they call to us.

With trust in myself came trust in the oneness of collective consciousness. I do my part by loving myself and those within my local reality, trusting that it lifts the collective in ways unseen. In this grace, the alchemy of others becomes less heavy and the yoke lighter for all.

"Many hands make for light work, yet too many cooks spoil the broth."

Within a construct of free will, one cannot force another toward growth. Guidance can be offered, truth can be spoken, and inspiration can be shared, but the spark itself must arise from within. The desire to change is not taught. It awakens. People must discover the questions that call them before they can recognize the answers waiting nearby. The human desire to be seen and understood at any cost is what spoils the dish. Authenticity need not be understood. No audience is needed to be knighted as whole.

For me, there remains an indescribable sense of urgency, yet it is accompanied by a comforting sense of unconditional love and security that wraps around me like a warm weighted blanket. Such is the delicate dance of nuance, absurdity, and paradox. Everything appears interconnected, yet meaningless in the grand scope of infinite timelines and infinite realities. It is linear time itself that becomes foreign and unusual. Yet having been born into this anomaly of ignorance and linear time, it remains the only reality we have ever known. There is no fault in ignorance, for we enter this world veiled by it. Through that veil comes the experience of individuality, an ego shaped by choice, free will, and the unfolding of meaning itself.

In this reality, we've been taught by the authors of history that resisting the river's current is the only way to live, while letting go and going with the flow is something only the reckless would do. For example, we're living on a sentient rock, and we're told we must purchase land to live and pay taxes for the world to spin. This debt machine attached to funny money are the chains we call home. Why is this control structure considered normal?! The very things we use for convenience are holding us back from true sovereignty. Perhaps those in positions of influence understand the human condition more deeply than we realize. For ages, humanity has been reverse engineering itself and calling it technology, only to sell it back to the people as though these capacities existed outside of us all along.

Don't fret, there is hope and a new force is awakening to power. It has been working behind the scenes for quite some time now. The future consists of endless possibilities interacting in a seemingly chaotic manner. But, as we've come to know, appearances can be deceiving. With an expanded and detached perspective, the chaos transforms into coherence and miraculously achieves a perfect holistic balance. Much like untrained eyes watching an artist paint in real time, a genuine masterpiece only begins to take shape in the final moments of clarity. Ignorance is shed and burned to ash in the furnace, revealing what was always there beneath it all: compassion and unconditional love at the very core of our existence.

I searched within myself and felt lost, but something discovered me there. I hope that those who have read this or followed my journey thus far find solace in the uncertainty.

Good luck and run well.

Godspeed.