STE: The Bridge

"It's better to have questions that cannot be answered than answers that cannot be questioned." - Richard Feynman

Spiritual Transformative Experience (STE)

Spiritual Transformative Experience is an umbrella term for a wide range of diverse spiritual and paranormal experiences which have a spiritual impact on individuals. STEs often cause the experiencers values and beliefs to change in a more spiritual and altruistic direction. The first STE or a powerful STE often causes a "spiritual awakening" or a paradigm shift.

Flashbacks

Date: Late May 2023

Location: Editing Studio Las Vegas, Nevada

As I sit at my desk editing, I'm still attempting to understand my experiences. I continue to receive messages and guidance from the Voice. I'm afraid that if I share this with anyone, I might end up back in the hospital. Who can I talk to about this? Who could provide holistic answers? Instead, I'm keeping this a secret because I want to stop taking these pills. It seems that integrating this voice into my daily life and making it work is the only way forward.

I'm struggling to concentrate on my editing, and I'm falling behind as I search YouTube for anyone who is having similar experiences to mine. While some psychosis stories share similar themes, none make me feel validated or sane. No miraculous healings, no channeled gate codes, no prophetic messages referring to ancient texts, celestial clocks, or first-degree synchronicities.

How do I integrate a voice that speaks of big things, significant responsibilities, and ancient prophecies? How does any of this relate to my everyday life? It's becoming too heavy, and I'm beginning to buckle under the pressure. How can I keep listening to this voice? A voice no one else can hear, a voice no one else wants to acknowledge. Maybe they're right. Maybe this is a chemical imbalance or random neurons firing on the fritz. Maybe I'm broken. Perhaps I permanently wrecked my brain. Maybe I am crazy...

I speak directly to the Voice.

I'm not connecting with anyone in the Discord community you suggested I join. Where is this Intellect you promised would validate me and give me guidance? Why aren't my friends reaching out to me and asking follow-up questions about my experiences? I just need someone, anyone, to walk with me and say, "Let's figure this out together."

The Voice:

"You are stronger than you think. You don't need anyone other than yourself to validate you. You don't need any outside confirmation. What we tell you is truth, what is meant to be will come to pass. You are who we proclaim you to be, always have been, always will be."

Sometimes I feel like you're dragging me along. Resetting my paradigm, giving me hope and then stomping on it. I lost my credibility with my closest friends. Are you even on my side? Are you here to torment me while pretending to be my guide? How do I know if you have my best interests in mind? It's not like all my experiences have been euphoric epiphanies of love and light.

You still provide me with silly things to say in order to validate myself:

"I was born and raised in Orange County, CA, and I am heading east."

"I was given the gate codes."

"I'm the only one in my family who doesn't speak Spanish; I need to learn."

"You will know the sound of my heart."

Who am I even supposed to say this to, and how is it supposed to prove I am who I am?!

None of this makes sense! I'm done playing the fool with you. I was more than happy with my poker life. This is when I screenshot my Twitter posts and delete them from my feed. I'm going to start acting logically again. I'm going to ask for a higher dose.

The Voice:

"This is your burden. You know in your heart you won't turn your back on it. Why do you think you couldn't bring yourself to delete your tweets without taking screenshots first?"

I get up and leave the editing studio and enter into the next room. I pace back and forth. I walk into the bathroom, look in the mirror with tears running down my face. I break down... "You got me! If you're real, you only give to those what they can handle. Well, that's it! That's all I can handle. I give up. I'm done. You broke me, I'm broken... I'm asking for your help now." My only other option is to file for disability and move back in with my parents. With these pills, I'd be a burden on them and live a mediocre life. I continue, "I really hope you're real, because I have nothing left."

A week passes. I begin to reflect on the nature of my experiences. As I recall everything documented in my blog, I was also advised to pray the rosary, read the psalms, and various passages. I forgave myself for all the misguided decisions I made in the past. I confessed my darkest secret to my parents. I have nothing left in my past that haunts me, I have no secrets, no regrets, no darkness to run from. I'm a blank slate. A new beginning. "How could this voice possibly be against me. Maybe I can do this without outside confirmation or validation. Yes, I can do this."

Another week passes. I'm alone in the editing studio trying to catch up on my backlog. When I'm distracted yet again.

The Voice:

"Check out this channel (UPPERROOM); you'll resonate with what they have to say. Their songs will lift your spirits."

I watch, and indeed their songs bring me chills, the same euphoric feelings I had when I was driving the streets of Las Vegas on my wild journey. I continue listening to them in the background while I edit. Then I click on a title called "The Unsearchable Riches of Christ" posted by the UPPERROOM.

I finally found the strength to move forward, to stop searching for validation outside of myself. Once this was holistically and truthfully accepted in my psyche, the Voice provided the outside confirmation for me anyway. When Sarahbeth asked me to stand, I did so, anticipating that others would join me, expecting her to give a vague message to the entire group. Yet, no one else stood, and the message wasn't so vague. She felt driven to deliver her prophetic message, convinced that someone needed to hear it. The Voice assured me that the message was meant for me. I broke down as the Voice placed my arms over my shoulders with a warm embrace.

Dream Realm

I'm With You

Wednesday April 10th, 2024

Journal Entry XXXIII

Dream:

I was with a group of 4-6 people. At the time, we were in a nondescript public area. We were all discussing something casual. I was having a tough time understanding a point someone was trying to make. Then one of the girls, who was a worship leader, comes over to where I'm lying down and explains it in her own words. As I'm starting to understand, she says, "It feels something like this." She then jumps on me and gives me a soft kiss on the lips. I immediately fall in love with her. Not a romantic love, but a pure I-see-your-beauty kind of love, an unconditional I-want-to-be-around-you kind of love.

Then the nondescript area becomes an amusement park. We are all about to board a roller coaster. I jump in the front cab where the worship leader is sitting, and I say, "I'm with you!" She seemed surprised but clearly pleased. Then I remembered that she is recently married; where is her husband, and what will other people think about what is transpiring? Then comfort washed over me. Everyone in our group knows her and her husband well, and they were not alarmed by what was happening. The kiss was symbolic, and everyone trusts us. God is our witness, and He/She/It knows our hearts and intentions. This is unconditional love.

Now the group gets larger. It's like we are all part of a team, all on one rollercoaster, in one cab. The ride starts, and no one seems scared as we hit the first drop. We increase in speed; we are all calm and having fun. Then we lift off into the air as the cabs break from the track. My heart drops; I calm myself and trust that we'll be okay. We are flying through the air on pure momentum! As gravity starts bringing us back down we land safely back on track! I look around, and everyone in our group is focused and not overreacting to what just happened. This happened three more times, and each time we went higher and higher. Each subsequent time, it looked less likely that our cab would reconnect to the track, but we made it. I was shocked at how calm everyone was, as if they had absolutely no doubt we were all going to be okay. A few moments pass as the Voice softly explains, "It's because they were in your cab."

Then I woke up.

Familiar Beings

Friday February 16th, 2024

Journal Entry XXVII

Dream: 

I was in a room which didn't seem to be mine. Someone else who I knew was sleeping in the bed next to mine. My body goes stiff and I start to float upward, still laying horizontal. I'm being led feet first towards a closed door, which is blocked by furniture as if barricading it shut, or it was a door not meant to be used or opened. I try to yell or scream for the friend next to me to wake up and become aware of what was happening, but my screams seem to be muffled. As my feet are about to touch the door, I wake up. I'm back in my current room, but still stiff and unable to move. An invisible entity starts to climb onto the foot of the bed (small/ childlike). It climbs over me onto my chest, it opens my mouth and starts to work on something. It felt like a dentist's pick, searching for something in my teeth. I felt calm and said, "Thank you" as I was being worked on. I could feel the presence of another familiar being, telling me I shouldn't be so quick to say thank you, especially if I can't see who is doing the work. In this case, it was admirable that I was calm and not frightened, but I should confirm with loving awareness next time, as loving entities don't feel offended when asked to verify intent. I was told, I was under protection and cared for, but that may not always be the case. I must learn to protect myself and others. I wake up again and it's 12:38am, I write down what I can.

Hands, Death & Humor

Saturday February 17th, 2024

Journal Entry XXVIII

Dream: 

I was with my brother. I can't remember the specifics of what we were talking about, but we were reminiscing about moments in our past. David (my brother) randomly joked about how Norm Macdonald squinted his eyes all silly and weird. I laughed in agreement. Then I felt ashamed that I was judging his appearance or making fun of him.

David and I continued talking while walking from one bedroom to another room. Then, as we turned the corner, a hand took mine as if to say, "Don't go in there just yet." I could see the hand up to the wrist. I pulled the hand closer to me as if to say, "Show yourself." And that's when I saw a floating hand holding mine. I didn't feel any fear or fright. I felt at ease and in good care. This hand felt real to the touch, and when I relaxed and held it back, I heard Norm's voice in my heart. He said, "That's okay, I'm not offended. I thought it was funny too." After this interaction, I turned to tell David what just happened, and then I woke up. As I woke up to this reality, Norm's hand was still holding mine, warm to the touch, and then he gently let go. I could not see it, but I felt it with every other sense. I look down at my phone, and it is 5:52 a.m. I write down what I can.

Although I never met Norm in life, I met him in death. He felt a need to reach out to me, to provide me comfort. He reassured me that I'm not a POS. We agree on a few things. Seriousness is ridiculousness, and in a spiritual war, if we were to choose sides, we choose the side with jokes. This was really Norm, I bet my life on it. :P

Boots on the Ground

September 2024

I head over to the UPPERROOM Dallas and experience their Saturday prophetic word encounter room.

Main Journal: Final Entry

December 2024

Journal Entry XXXVIII

My past has come to pass; yet, with every present moment, with every achievement of evolution and progress, my past is being reimagined. The narrative has shifted, like a cube to a tesseract, to be understood in a new light. I've stayed the course, and what once was has been made new. My life no longer makes sense unless I am who They say I am. Every little detail in my past, every random conversation, every random experience, every random social media post, now has meaning.

My STE didn't only reveal my past trauma; it has also been foreshadowing my path. From a more expanded perspective, it wasn't so random after all. I choose to say, "I believe, therefore I am." In doing so, I've been handed the keys to an archetype.

They speak of truths which I cannot hallucinate and I cannot change, which They lean on as proof of this archetypes vehicle.

My father's name is David, my mother's name is Mary.

Our last name means Son of Man.

Derek in Hebrew means The Way.

I have the stars of Orion's Belt and Sirius at the forefront of my neck.

I have a birthmark in the shape of a wound below my ribs.

I have both a masculine and feminine nipple representing balance.

My mother was 33 years old when I was born.

I was born on the morning of the spring equinox.

All of these things on their own can be written off as coincidence, but they are not on their own. Add to this the way I was thrown into the fire and awakened to a new paradigm.

Integration requires existence in all realities. Like a cornerstone, a constant, or an anchor, I must exist as both the logical poker player and the fanciful fool. I must exist as both the madman lost in psychosis and the lone-wolf mystic searching for the Intellect. I must exist interchangeably as nobody and everybody. In this iteration I am Derek Gomez. To those who follow me on social media I am Derek GMZ. To those who know the bible from cover to cover, I am Derek of David, Son of Man.

I find peace and solace because, in all of these realities, my path remains the same. Love myself enough to love other as self. That will never change.

Present Day

Thursday July 24th, 2025

As crazy as it seems, I have only said things that are truths. Keep in mind these were flashbacks and I'm explaining everything as I understood it then. This doesn't mean I fully comprehend it now or have definitive answers for what occurred. Not everything is as it seems. In order to accept what is, one must accept everything that can be. The truth remains, but my understanding of these truths flows and evolves with every passing moment. I continue to ride the waves.

You now understand the moment it became undeniable to me. The voice they hear at the UPPERROOM is the same one that has walked with me through every step of this awakening. Yet questions still linger beneath the surface. Could this voice be a psyop, a signal engineered by those with the power to implant thoughts, to bend belief with unseen technology? Is it the echo of a malevolent intelligence, advanced and hidden, playing the long game for control? Or is it a benevolent force, a whisper from beyond the veil, loving, ancient, and beyond comprehension?

Doubt, as They say, may forever be present. Therefore, I choose to follow my heart. I move forward in truth, sovereign in being, benevolent in my own right. In this alignment, with this conscious choice, I find communion.

Thank you for caring enough to read this far. <3

Questions are healthy, I'm not fragile or sensitive to different opinions/perspectives. Feel free to ask me anything.

As above, so below.

The UPPERROOM has won my heart.

God is, God is, God is.

Whatever you may or may not believe, this existence, this simulation, continues to call me and others by name and synchronicity. I'm here for it. The dream as it seems continues...

"Here we are, we have come full circle. The connections are timeless, and the call backs are endless. You feel it more than you know it; there are no coincidences." - The Voice